Mindfulness with RAIN: Moving from Emotional Pain, Easing Rejections, & Cultivating Self-Compassion
Using RAIN for Emotional Pain…
It’s been a looong work week. Friday finally hits, and you are ready to socialize! You eagerly text a friend about making dinner plans…and they don’t text back. A few hours pass by, and you're scrolling on social media. Your friend has posted an Instagram story, and they're hanging out with mutual friends. Ouch. Your stomach drops and your chest gets heavy. You’re flooded with feelings of sadness and rejection. “There’s something wrong with me” or “I feel so stupid for feeling so upset about this” may pop up in your mind. This doesn’t feel good. It’s tempting to want a quick fix to make the pain go away- like using distraction or downplaying what you’re feeling. However, there are strong benefits to working through the hurt in real time.
If sitting with difficult emotions sounds really intimidating, you are not alone. While it can seem daunting to practice, there are ways to work through challenging emotions as they come up. When we give ourselves space to work through our emotions from a place of self-compassion and non-judgment, we may find ourselves better able to let them pass through. RAIN is one technique that helps support the practice of witnessing our emotions and leaning into curiosity around what’s coming up for us.
What is RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture)?
RAIN is a mindfulness activity that stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture. The acronym was coined by Michelle McDonald in 1990 and was further adapted by Tara Brach. The following breakdown is inspired by the work of both. Let’s use RAIN to work through navigating the feelings of rejection.
Recognize:
Take a pause to tune into your immediate internal and external surroundings. Recognize the thoughts, feelings, and sensations you’re experiencing in your body. It can be helpful to name what you’re noticing out loud or write it down.
“I feel like I’m not good enough for my friend.”
“I’m feeling a lot of heaviness in my chest.”
“I’m having a hard time with this feeling of rejection.”
Allow:
Let the feelings and sensations exist without pushing them away or judging yourself for having them. An important part of this step is leaning into the notion that you don’t have to LIKE the way you’re feeling AND it’s the reality of your current emotional experience. Allow them to exist as they are. Accepting your emotions in this moment will allow you to work through them.
“It’s okay that I am feeling this way.”
“It makes sense my body is responding like this.”
“This is hard to sit with, and this is my reality right now.”
Investigate:
It’s time to lean into curiosity around what’s coming up for you. Take a moment to approach yourself from a standpoint of non-judgmentalness and compassion. Investigate what you are noticing from these emotions.
“What are my internal narratives around being rejected?”
“If this sensation of heaviness could speak, what might it say?”
“What would I say to a friend who felt this way?”
Nurture:
To nurture is to intentionally tend to ourselves with warmth, comfort, and reassurance. Ask yourself, what parts of you holding this emotion may need to hear or know, and speak to them directly. If it feels difficult to channel nurture directly from yourself, you can imagine a loving person or presence showing up for you in a supportive way. What may this person say to you? What would you need to hear in these moments?
“You are worthy of love and connection.”
“These feelings don’t define you, and they will pass.”
“I love you.”
Repeat as needed
You can continue to go through the steps of RAIN as many times as you may need!